Stephen Lynch - Whittlin' Man lyrics

In the woods of northern Michigan
He made his home
Didn’t ask much from the world
Just wanted to be alone
He got his first real blade at thirteen
That’s when it all began
And soon the creatures of the
Forest called him Whittlin' Man

Yeah he whittled all day
And he whittled all night
He whittled, whittled
Whittled everything in sight
He whittled on a stick
And he whittled on his shoe
And if you come too close
He's gonna whittle you too
Keep a safe distance if you can
‘Cause you’re never safe around Whittlin' Man

Had a stump to sit on, had some wood
Had his trusty knife
Whittled out a house, a car
And he whittled himself a wife
(Such a beautiful wife)
Whittled out four kids, a swimming pool
And a big Learjet
And so he wouldn’t miss Saved
By the Bell, well, he whittled a TV set

Yeah he whittled if it's light
And he whittled if it’s dark
And if Noah was around, well
He’d whittle him an ark
He whittled something new and
He whittled something old
He whittled something hot and he
Whittled something rather chilly
Keep a safe distance if you can
‘Cause you’re never safe around Whittlin' Man

Some say Whittlin' Man’s a genius
Still others say he’s just dumb
He’s whittled off a foot
An ear, three fingers, and his left thumb
(Boy, is he dumb)
That won’t stop him, no it won’t
He’ll whittle through thick and thin
Once he’s whittled everything
He’ll just whittle it all again

Yeah he whittle if it’s white
And he whittle if it’s black
And he whittle on a duck
Till the duck can't quack
He whittle if it’s dry
And he whittle if it’s juicy
He whittle on Desi and whittle on Lucy
He whittle JFK and whittle Jackie O
He whittle on Larry, Curly and Moe
He whittle Frank Zappa and
He whittle Tipper Gore whittle, whittle
Whittle till he can’t no more
Whittle Shamu and he whittle on Jaws
Whittle Easter Bunny and he
Whittle Santa Claus whittle, whittle
Whittle just as fast as he can
Whittle till he’s dead, he’s Whittlin' Man