Family Guy, Patti LuPone, Seth MacFarlane - The Q" Man Loves Nobody songtext (lyrics)

Quagmire: ♪ Baby
You were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪

♪ Cause the "Q" Man loves
Nobody but himself ♪
Patti: ♪ I never knew how twisted
A fellow could be ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Hey
I guess it’s good I never told
Ya I’m into pee ♪

Patti: ♪ Don’t you ever listen
To your inner conscience? ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Oh, sorry, babe
I wasn’t listening, what? ♪
Patti: ♪ You really are total scum ♪

♪ If only you could see the
Man that you’ve become ♪ quagmire: ♪ Baby
You were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪

♪ Cause the "Q" Man loves nobody, ♪
Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ But my own sweet flippin’ self ♪

All right, look, whatever your problem is
Just get it off your breast-chest
Patti: ♪ I thought you gave me your heart ♪

Quagmire: I gave you VD, isn’t that enough?

Patti: ♪ You said that we’d never part ♪

Quagmire: Oh, I was just kidding

Patti: ♪ You gave me your lovers’ vow ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Ha! If you really
Thought I meant it
You oughtta get your head
Examined right now! ♪

Patti: ♪ You told me you’d never stray ♪

Quagmire: Well
That’s cause we hadn’t had sex yet

Patti: ♪ And then you just walked away ♪

Quagmire: Ain’t I a stinker?

Patti: ♪ Your attitude really stank! ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Look
You don’t need to be a genius to see that
I was giving you the yank yank! ♪

Patti: What else did you BS me about?

Quagmire: Well, since you asked

♪ Remember when I said I was
Going down the block ♪
♪ To grab a couple boozers with a pal? ♪
Patti: ♪ yeah
You had a friend from college that
You had to meet ♪

Quagmire: ♪ No, i was at the women’s shoe
Store looking at feet! ♪

Patti: What?

Quagmire: ♪ Remember when I said I
Had a dental checkup? ♪ ♪ Well
Let me say that I give quite a root canal ♪
Heh, heh, all right
Patti: ♪ You promised me that you’d be true ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Hey! To me you’re
Just vagina number 6-0-2

Quagmire: ♪ Baby
You were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪

♪ Cause the "Q" Man loves nobody, ♪
Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ But my own sweet flippin’ self ♪

Patti: What do you have to say for yourself
You slime?

Quagmire: Can I just squeeze your
Left tit a little bit?

Patti: You’re the most insensitive
Man I’ve ever met

Quagmire: Aw
That’s not true I’ve got feelings the same as
The next guy well, last
Week, my grandma died, i was really uspset

Patti: Oh, I’m sorry

Quagmire: So, how about a hand job?

♪ Cause the "Q" Man loves nobody, ♪
Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ But my own ♪

Both: ♪ Sweet, flippin’ self! ♪