John Mulaney - Drag Queens and Goth People lyrics

I have had a great time here in
San Francisco it's been very fun
I, uh i have a lot of drag
Queens in my neighborhood in New York
So I felt right at home when
I was here it's very cool
I have lots of drag queens around
And I like to study them
And I mean, more of your
High-end type of drag queens
Not like your tenderloin
Drag queens who, I'm sorry
Aren't even fucking trying like a lot of them
Just have a mop on their head
And a skirt and are like
"I'm a gal!" You're not a
Gal you're not a gal

Really fancy drag queens are funny though
'cause like a lot of
Drag queens, it's like they're under
The impression that they're like, a
Celebrity it's like they all have
This attitude of like, "Don't you
Know who I am? I'm Strawberry
Alarm Clock" It's like, "No
I'm sorry i didn't recognize you
It's just I don't hang
Out in the one bar where you get free drinks"

I wanna say this though
I think it's fine if someone wants to be a
Drag queen, that's great, if you wanna like
Express your inner woman but why
With so many drag
Queens, is it always the same type of
Woman? Like, why is it always like, a
Big and brassy woman? With like, a beehive
Hairdo and alligator skin shoes? It's like
What is your notion of a woman
Based on? A housewife in a
Far Side cartoon? Why is that
What you think femininity is?

And then, some of these drag queens
They'll go out on the street
And they'll bully me
They will they'll be like, "Oh-hoh, look at
Him and his little shirt" It's like
Why are you mean? Why is that part
Of it for you? And it's not little
It's a medium small is little you
Went through all the trouble
To put on a nice dress, and now you're gonna
Be rude and bossy to people? It's like
Do you know what your version of a
Lady is a lot like? A guy
You could've stayed a guy if you were
Gonna be an asshole about it

As I said, I uh
I don't quite get it i also have
That same issue with goth people
I've never understood being goth
You know i could
Never do that i could never dress goth
And don't get me wrong I'm
Unhappy it's not that it's
Just that if you're a goth person
Every single day you
Have to put on like, new
Makeup, and nail polish, and Satan stars
Like I bet you part of the
Reason goths are so miserable
Is they wake up every morning
And think, "Oh god
I gotta put all that shit back
On why did I join?"