John Mulaney - What Should I Do With My Life? lyrics

That’s the wonderful thing
About crazy people
You know? Is that they just
Have unlimited currency the things they
Say mean nothing to them, but they mean
Everything to me i was once walking into
Penn Station in New York i
Was walking down 31st Street towards Eighth
Avenue i’m walking down 31st
There’s this woman standing at
Eighth and 31st i
Have my little roller suitcase you can
All imagine i’m walking towards
Her she’s smoking
A cigarette that is not lit
Anymore she’s watching me walk, kind of
Scanning me up and down
As if she had Terminator
Vision… where she could
See little bit's of data
Like, "Little honky ass, "
And could read information as
I walked past her, she
Said this to me i walked past her and
She said, and I’m quoting, "Eat ass
Suck a dick and sell
Drugs" Very dirty, yes? A very
Upsetting thing to hear
Yes? I’m sorry you all had to hear that
But at least you all got
To hear it as a group i was alone out there
That afternoon and she said this
Totally unprompted "Eat ass
Suck a dick and sell drugs" It wasn’t like I
Had paused in front of her and been like
"What should I
Do with my life?" So, I walk away from her
With this to do list and I like structure
I like a
To do list it did dawn on me that that list
Of things does get better as it goes along
When you really think about
It ‘Cause it starts
In a pretty rough place it starts with
Just about the worst task a to do list
Can start with but by the end
You have your own small business
And isn’t that the
American dream when all’s said
And done? That if
You eat enough ass and suck enough dick
One day you can
Sell drugs imagine you did all
That to sell drugs and
Then they legalize drugs, and
You were like, "But, i…"