John Mulaney - Easy Not to Do Things lyrics

Thank you for coming to this show by the way
I really do appreciate you coming to a thing
Because you didn't have to
And it's really easy not to
Go to things it is
So much easier not to do things than to do
Them, that you would do anything
Is totally remarkable percentage-wise
It is 100% easier not to do
Things than to do them and
So much fun not to do them
Especially when you are
Supposed to do them in terms
Of, like, instant relief
Cancelling plans is like heroin it is
An amazing feeling such instant joy

Kids don't like that kids always wanna do
Stuff kids get angry, they go, "Aw
We didn't do anything all day" You ever
Ask an adult what they did over
The weekend and they say
They didn't do anything, their faces
Light up be like
"What'd you do this weekend?"
"I, um, I did nothing i did nothing
At all did we do anything? No
I didn't do anything"

People especially don't wanna do their jobs
I've found that out recently
Too i have a friend named
Megan she's an elementary school
Teacher, and I was out with her one night
And she was drinking like a monster and
I said to her, "Don't you have to do a
Shift at school tomorrow?"
And she went, "Ah, I'll just show a video"
And I was like
"That's why teachers show videos?"
She said this, she goes, "yeah
I don't wanna work!" and I was like
"You know the kids don't wanna work either"
And she was like, "Good!"