John Mulaney - I Am Very Small And I Have No Money lyrics

Your opinion doesn’t matter in elementary
School either it matters
In college college is just your opinion just
You raising your hand and being like
"I think emily Dickinson’s a lesbian"
And they’re like, "Partial credit"
And that’s a whole thing but in elementary
School, it doesn’t matter what you think
It just matters
What you know you have to have answers to
Questions and if you say, "I don’t know
" you get an X on your test
And you get it wrong and that’s not
Fair, ’cause your brain has
Never been smaller also
That’s not how life works i’m in my 30s now
If you came to me now and you
Were like, "Hey, John
Name three things that the
Stamp Act of 1775 accomplished" I’d go
"I don’t know
Get out of my apartment, " you know? But
When you’re a little kid, you can’t say
"I don’t know" You should be able to that
Should be an acceptable answer on a
Test you should be able to
Write in, "I don’t know i
Know you told me but
I have had a very long day
I am very small and I
Have no money so you can imagine the kind of
Stress that I am under" Or if it’s one
Of those true or false questions
You should be
Able to add a third option which is
"Who’s to say?" Kids are much
More supervised now, but also, they have
A lot of rights like
That’s the biggest civil rights
Increase I’ve seen
In my lifetime the rights of children
Have gone through the roof i had
No rights when I was a
Little kid i remember, one time, I
Walked into a supermarket by myself
And I walked in through the double
Doors, and the woman behind the
Register just looked at
Me and she went, "No!" And I went
"All right" And I turned around and
Left that’s how broken I was