John Mulaney - I Just Got My License lyrics

I just learned how to drive
Too i'm 26 years old i just got my
License this year that's pathetic, but I
Was very happy to get it, and I got to
Rent a car a couple months ago because I
Was driving to a college show I
Was doing so I went out and I
Rented a very fancy Hyundai Sonata
Which is a Korean classical music car

And I did the whole drive in one night
So I was three hours one way and three
Hours back so I got back to
My street at about three o'clock in
The morning i start to
Parallel park about 3: 00 AM
I'm done about 3: 20, and I get
Out of the car and there's this guy standing
There on the sidewalk next to my car
And I should say he was not old or
Sick, he was like a young guy
In a suit with his shirt
Open, and he's standing there staring
At me and he goes
"Excuse me are you Polish?" and I said, "No
I'm actually Irish and French!" like he and I
Are gonna have a chat or something
He starts to open the back door to my car
And he goes, "Please, drive me three blocks
Drive me three blocks to Greenpoint
Avenue drive me three blocks"
And I said, "No no"
Then he kept opening the door
And he kept going, "Please, i am so tired!"
And I said, "You don't understand! I'm not a
Taxi driver!" which I
Have never had to yell at anybody before

But then I realized i was like wait a minute
I just got my license a couple months ago
Like is this something that happens? Some
Rule they didn't teach us?
Like if you're on the street at three
O'clock in the morning and you're not
Polish, you may have to drive a guy
A few blocks or worse yet
Was it one of those street smart
Things where the next day
I come out and my car is like sawed in half?
And there's some guy standing
There like, "Hey
What happened to your car?" and I'm like
"I don't know i was parking last night
And this guy was standing there"
And he's like, "Woah, woah, woah, woah
Woah did he ask if you were Polish?"
And I'm like, "yeah" and he's like
"You gotta give those guys a
Ride kid! Welcome to Brooklyn!