John Mulaney - Jewish Girls lyrics

My girlfriend is a Jewish woman which
Is i did on purpose uh
That sounded creepy I don't mean
Like "Ah! I got one!"
I mean like, I i, uh i am not Jewish
But I've
Always really liked Jewish people, I
Just like them a lot
And I really like dating Jewish women
They're great, because like I think a lot of
Problems people have in relationships are
With communication because guys don't
Know what women
Are thinking, and with Jewish women
You do not have to
Guess what they are thinking: they
Will tell you yeah
This is gonna get playfully
Anti-Semitic, so just allow it to go
There, allow- I'll get in trouble
You won't i really
Do mean this though, I really admire that
Jewish people, in my own personal experience
Have are very like
Upfront with their feelings they're
Very-they're very vocal about their uh
Their thoughts and feelings and I
Think that's really admirable

Tou know I am Irish, and Irish people
They don't tell you a thing, irish people
Keep it so bottled up Like you know
The plan with Irish people is like
"I'll keep all my emotions right hereand
Then one day I'll die"
Like in Ireland it's like, "Ah
Your boy as died"
And it's like, "Alright bury the boy
Alright do it bury the boy" "Bury the boy"
Irish people don't want comfort look at
A sweater made in Ireland
It's like a turtleneck made
Out of Brillo pads

I used to date gentile women
And i dated this girl, she'd just
Stare out the window all day
Long and I'd be like, "What's wrong?"
She'd be like
"You wouldn't even understand if I told you"
"What the fuck am I supposed
To do with that?"
My Jewish girlfriend I don't have
To guess what's wrong
She comes in the room and she's like
"My stomach hurts!" Then we can move on from
There that's what I mean, she's very focused
She's very in the moment
You know? And that's
A good thing in a significant other, she's
Very present jews don't daydream
'cause folks are always
After 'em and they gotta stay sharp
You know what I mean? They have to
Be there they haven't let their minds
Wander since Egypt they just stay sharp
They're- "Who's that who are you!?"
"What's that? Put that down"
"What's that over there? Don't do that"