John Mulaney - Law and Order and Mr. Jerry Orbach lyrics

I love crime news, crime TV shows
I have to tell you
My absolute favorite show is a
Little program called Law and
Order i love Law and Order most of the time
When i'm not trying to figure out
Who Tyler Perry is
I'm watching Law and Order it's a great show

I watch so much Law and Order
Sometimes I think I'm in an
Episode of Law and Order
Like I'll just be like walking to the car
With my friends and I'll be like, "Hey
You guys see the game last
Night? That ref should
Get his eyes checked wait
A second parking garage
In the afternoon? Vague and
Crappy dialogue? We're about
To find a dead body!" We never do

And the best thing about Law and Order is
That it's like the same episode every
Single time like it's the same thing again
And again to the point where you
See the same types of characters on every
Law and Order they'll bust out the
Same types of people on
Different episodes some
Of my personal favorites there is:
Guy Who While Being Questioned By Homicide
Detectives Will Not Stop Unloading
Crates doesn't matter to this guy!
Double rape and murder? Nah
He's gotta unload that van! The detectives
They'll show up with all
These serious questions
And this guy is just like, "Tony
Ramirez? yeah, I remember him used to
Work here Tuesdays" It's like, dude
People have died! How often are
You questioned by homicide detectives?

Other favorites on Law and Order there
Is: Judge Who Allows Everything
"Mmm, I'll allow it watch yourself
McCoy!" And of course
The New York City Bartender Who Recognizes
Everybody That's Ever Been In The
Bar Ever the cops come in
And hand the bartender a
Photo, and the Law and
Order bartender is like
"Hmm" They always make that face like their
Face needs to adjust to a
Photograph like, "Oh, a picture!
Not for nutting, but, but for a
Second I thought it was a
Tiny person! Okay, yeah
Blue-shirt lady nice lady came in
Here Friday around 7: 30"
And the cops are like, "Alright
Did she seem upset"
"Nah, she was smilin' guy she was
With didn't seem so happy
Though he left about 9: 35-9: 36"
It's like which New York City do you work in?
I live there i live with people I don't
Recognize oh
And then the bartender will always ask
The cop the same question he's just like
"Why? Did something happen to her?"
Yes something most definitely did
That's why the murder
Police are here with a photograph of her
Talking about her in the past
Tense there's been an incident
I love Law and Order i do
And I miss Jerry Orbach more
Than certain dead relatives of
Mine he was the best jerry Orbach, for those
Of you that don't know who that is
He played Detective Lenny Briskoe on Law
And Order for many many years
He was a wonderful actor
He also played the dad in
Dirty Dancing he's the
One who put baby in the corner but a few
Years ago, Jerry Orbach died
You may know that
It was very sad what you may not know and
This is absolutely true by the way i would
Not shit you San Francisco this is
Absolutely true after Jerry Orbach died
He donated his eyes to the New York Eye
Bank he was an eye donor
Okay? And there's these signs all over
New York that you can
See and they're in ads and
Magazines and stuff and they
Say, "Jerry Orbach gave his heart and
Soul to the gift of acting
And the gift of sight to two
New Yorkers" Two New Yorkers
Got Jerry Orbach's eyes sorry
Like as a transplant, not just to have
They had them put in they
Got them surgically put in
Not just to carry around mushy-like
Like a doctor did it

That is an amazing story there's
Two different New Yorkers walking
Around with Jerry Orbach's eyeballs what's
More amazing is that
It's two different people in New
York City they are probably
Strangers they probably don't know
Each other, right? Well
That would make a great movie like that
Is the plot of a great
Romantic comedy i can see the preview
Now if it's just like:

He's an average guy who
Only likes sports "Dude, you gonna sell your
Grandmother's wedding ring?"
"What? I need it for season tickets!"
But she's a busy business woman
Who only likes business
"Ma'am, could you turn off that
Bluetooth? We're at a baptism!"
He's March Madness, "Ahhh!"
She's Meryl Lynch, "Got it!"
But they have one thing in common
They both have Jerry Orbach's eyeballs shoved
Into their face new Line Cinema presents
"Love at First Sight" This summer
"Love" is spelled with two eyes
I thought a lot about it thank you
I'm very proud of my show

And the scene where the guy
And the girl finally
Meet, okay 'cause at the
Beginning of the movie, they get the
Eye transplant, that's a given
Rest of the movie, they're walking
Around New York, but they keep
Criss-crossing and you're like
"Oh! When are they finally
Gonna meet?" But they
Don't cross paths like in
That movie Serendipity, which is not bad so
They're walking around and you're like
"Oh! When are they finally
Gonna meet?" And here's the
Scene where they meet
Okay? 'Cause you remember in Law and Order
Whenever Jerry Orbach saw a dead body
He'd make a funny little
Joke like Jerry Orbach always had
A one-liner like every
Single time so at the end of the movie
The guy and
The girl are coming down the street
From opposite ends of the street
Okay? And there's an alley in the middle
Of the street and there's a
Teacher lying dead in the
Alley and at the same moment, they both go
"School's out!" And then they lock eyes
Coming to a theater near you!