John Mulaney - Lyrics by Me & Mick Jagger lyrics

They have a host and a
Musical guest oh, my God
You’re going to love it
Real quick tangent okay
My favorite host ever introducing a musical
Guest was this the host was Sir Patrick
Stewart, the great Sir Patrick Stewart
And this is how he introduced the
Musical guest "Ladies and gentlemen
Salt-N-Pepa!" Like he
Was surprised by Pepa like minutes
Before they’d been, "Sir Patrick
We can’t find
Pepa anywhere" And he’s like, "If we
Must go on with Salt alone, we
Will go on with Salt alone!" And
They were like, "Three, two, one, "
And Pepa burst through the door and
He’s like, "Ladies and gentlemen
Salt and… what’s this? Pepa!"

Famous people are weird as shit they’re all
Weird your suspicions are correct and
They would all come in to Saturday
Night Live and they’d have
To meet with me because I was
A little rat writer and they’d
Have to talk about the sketches
They’d sit on my office
Couch that had like bed bugs and stuff
It was great like, they were famous
But it was my couch it’d be like if you
Went into your childhood bedroom and Joe
DiMaggio was sitting there yeah, he’s
Joe DiMaggio, he’s a legend, he
Had sex with Marilyn Monroe
But only you know where the bathroom is

Everyone always wants to know if famous
People are nice like Mick Jagger
He came in to host the show
My friends were all like, "Is he nice?" No!
Or maybe he is for his version of
Life because he has a very different
Life he’s Mick Jagger that’s his name
He’s played to stadiums of 20
000 people cheering for him like he’s a god
For 50 years that must change you
As a person if you do that for 50 years
You’re never again going to be like, "Um
Does anyone have a laptop charger
I could borrow?" None
Of that bullshit way we all have to talk
To get through life "Hi knock
Knock sorry" That’s how I walk into
Rooms i am 35 years
Old, I am six feet tall i lower myself
I go, "Hi knock, knock" I say "knock
Knock" out loud mick
Jagger didn’t talk like that mick Jagger
Talked like this he’d go, "Yes! No!
Yes!" I pitched him a joke and
He went, "Not funny!" I mean
People say that on the
Internet, but never to your face does a
British billionaire in leather pants go
"Not funny!"
I spent two hours alone with Mick Jagger
That week we were writing song lyrics
It was for a fake song in a comedy sketch and
He was sitting there, and we came to
One point and he goes, "All right
‘Let’s all go to the picnic, let’s
All have a drink’ Let’s see
What rhymes with drink?" And
I said… "Think?" And
Mick Jagger said, "No!" And then I said
"Sink?" And mick Jagger said, "yeah!" And
I was like, "Motherfucker
Is this how you write songs? Just one word
At a time with verbal abuse?" "All right
‘I can’t get no…'" Happiness?
"No!" Satisfaction? "yeah! All
Right! Next sentence! Space bar
Indent space bar"

Mick Jagger would go like this
"Diet Coke!" And one
Would appear in his hand now that’s not nice
Right? The way I was raised
You’re supposed to
Say, "May I please, have a Diet Coke
Please,?" And then maybe you will get one
And I bet all of you
Were taught to say please
And thank you but, if all of us could go
"Diet
Coke!" and one would appear in our hand
We’d do it all day long even if you
Don’t like Diet Coke
You’d just summon ’em so you could
Chuck ’em at oncoming cars