John Mulaney - On the Street lyrics

And it's weird, you know? I miss it
Sometimes because drinking
Can kind of calm your nerves and
I live in New York now and sometimes
You can see things that will
Make you anxious you'll see
Troubling things out on
The street i was coming into my
Apartment building one night and I saw in
Front of my building a wheel chair
Knocked in it's side with no one in it
That's a bad thing to see something
Happened there… you hope it was a miracle
But probably not… probably something worse

And I don't like arguments, some
People like to argue, you know?
They think it's like an art
And I don't like it
I think it's because really ordinary
Arguments can get really dramatic
Really quickly like I was talking
To a friend recently, and I
Told him I didn't think I
Believed in the death penalty, and
My friend said to me, "Oh
So you're telling me, that
If you saw Hitler… walking down
The street… you wouldn't kill
Him?" That wasn't what I was
Telling you, but alright
Let's talk about this entirely new topic

What would I do if I saw
Adolph Hitler just walking down
The street? Well first off I
Wanted to know what
Did my friend mean? Did he mean I see a guy
In like the military outfit
With the little mustache
'cause then I would assume
That's someone dressed up
As Hitler i'm not gonna kill that guy
I'm not gonna kill an actor and ruin Indiana
Jones 5 just 'cause I don't understand
Costumes or does he mean I'm
Walking down the street
And I see like an old old man who
I think might be Hitler based on my memory of
What Hitler looks like i'm not gonna kill
That guy either, because I am often wrong i'd
Murder him and people would be like
"Woah! You just
Killed an old, old man!" and I'd be like
"He looked like Hitler!" And
They're like, "yeah, a little…"