John Mulaney - One Black Coffee lyrics

My dad loved us he just didn’t care about our
General happiness or self-esteem i
Remember, one time
We were really little kids i have two
Sisters and a brother
And all four of us were in our family
Car ride for three hours going to
Wisconsin my dad was driving
Going down the highway in our
White van with wood
Around the side ‘Cause you
Remember when you wanted
Your car to be made of wood? You
Remember that era? Where we were like
"How much wood can we get
On this car… without it
Catching on fire?" But then
The big announcement "We
Here at Plymouth-Chrysler can put
A saucy stripe of
Wood safely on the outside of your car, for
All those times you’ve looked
At your minivan and
Thought, ‘Huh! It needs a belt'" So
We’re going on the highway we’ve
Been on the road for
Three hours and in the distance
We see a McDonald’s we see
The golden arches and we got
So excited we started chanting
"McDonald’s! McDonald’s! McDonald’s!
McDonald’s!" and my
Dad pulled into the
Drive-thru, and we started cheering and then
He ordered one black coffee for
Himself and kept driving
And, you know, as mad as that made
Me as a little kid, in retrospect
That is the funniest thing I
Have ever seen in
My entire life how perfect is that? He
Had a vanload of little kids
And he got black coffee the one
Thing from McDonald’s no child
Could enjoy my dad is cold-blooded
He once shushed a kid
During Lion King on Broadway
That actually happened
We were at Lion King on Broadway
And there was a
Five-year-old behind us going, "Look
It’s Pumbaa! Look, it’s
Timon!" And my dad turned around and said
"Are you going to talk the
Entire time?" He’s my hero