John Mulaney - Petunia and the Last Supper lyrics

My wife is Jewish, as I said
I was raised Catholic we have differences
In our religious upbringings and we realized
This recently not with our kids
Because we don’t have any kids people
Always ask us, "Are you going to have kids?"
And we say no and then they go
"Never? You’re never going to
Have kids?" Look
I don’t know "never" Fourteen years ago
I smoked cocaine the night before
My college graduation now
I’m afraid to get a flu shot people change

But religion came up with Petunia recently
My wife and I were talking
About cute things that Petunia could be
Involved in and I said
"What if we got like a Biblical
Painting done with Petunia in it?"
And my wife is like, "That would be so cute
We should do like The Last Supper" And
I was like, "Oh, my God, that
Would be so cute we should do all different
French Bulldogs as the
Different Apostles" And
My wife was like, "We should have Petunia
In the middle where Jesus is, in
Front of the turkey" And I was like, "Wait
What did you just say?" "Did you
Say the turkey?" And my wife said, "yeah
Why?" And I said… I said
"Would you just answer me one
Question? Do you think that
In da Vinci’s The Last Supper that Jesus of
Nazareth is sitting in front of
A turkey?" And my
Wife said, "Yes, I do, " and I said
"Thank you for your honesty would you
Just– Just one more follow-up
Question so then what do you
Think they’re celebrating? What do
You think those guys are
Celebrating?" She said, "Okay
I don’t get this shit because I
Wasn’t raised Catholic and I’m
Fucking glad I wasn’t because it’s
A fucked-up organization" I
Said, "No we all know that but what do
You think those guys are celebrating?" And
My wife looked at the floor and then
She looked at me and said, "Thanksgiving"