John Mulaney - The Dow Jones and the Very Rich Donald Trump lyrics

I've been trying to follow the
News more this year i've
Been trying to be much more
Involved with the news
Y'know? I read that this week over
Two days, the DOW Jones dropped 929 points
And I can't tell you how
Frustrating it is to not know what
That means it's getting embarrassing
When there's too much financial news it
Real embarrassing at this point
When I'm watching CNBC
I almost feel like I'm a kid
Again, and I'm like listening to my parents
Talk about me in front of me
And I don't know what
The fuck they're saying
But I know that it's going
To effect me y'know, they're like, "I think
Someone needs to go to B-E-D, "
And I'm like, "Grrrr, ah
I don't know what this B-E-D shit is i
Just know that I'm gonna get screwed"

Oh, I saw a class advertised
Where you can learn
How to get rich now from Donald Trump
He will teach you he has an online college
He'll show you his methods of getting rich
And he would know, wouldn't
He? Trump would know, because he is
A very rich man in fact
To me, at this point, like
Donald Trump is not just a rich man
Like Donald Trump is
Almost like what a hobo imagines
A rich man to be
Y'know? It's like years ago Trump
Was walking through an alley
And he heard some guy just
Like, "Ho-ho, boy, oh, boy as
Soon as my number comes in
I'm gonna put up tall buildings
With my name on 'em i'll
Have fine golden hair, and a TV show where I
Fire people with my children"
And Trump was like "That is how I
Will live my life thank you, hobo, for that
Life plan" I bet you when Donald Trump
Makes a decision, he thinks to himself
"What would a cartoon rich person
Do? Put up billboards
Of my face everywhere? That's a good idea"