Saturday Night Live, Beck Bennett, Kate McKinnon, John Mulaney, Kyle Mooney - Bodega Bathroom lyrics
SNL
[Saturday Night Live, Beck Bennett, Kate McKinnon, John Mulaney, Kyle Mooney - Bodega Bathroom lyrics]
Yo, just the Skittles
And do you have a bottle of water?
Uh, sure you want it super hot
Or solid block of ice?
Never mind
Hey, do you have a bathroom?
A what?
A bathroom you know, a bathroom I can use?
Dude, did you just ask to use
A bathroom in a bodega?
I mean, what? Who cares? It's an emergency
Would you like the key to the bathroom?
Yo, Charlie, if you do this, I don't
Think we can be friends anymore, man
Dude, relax! It's just a bathroom
I'm sure it's fine
And so it shall be oh, Bodega Cat
Show this man to the bathroom
Make a wish! Hold your breath!
(Song) come with me
And you'll be in a world of zero sanitation
Close your eyes and avoid inhalation
If you want a few parasites
Take a look around and view them
All the sticky stuff is fluid
Want to know for sure? Put a blacklight to it
(Spoken)
Oh my God!
That's right
You're the first person to use this bathroom
That's not a dog giving birth
What kind of creep would let
A bathroom get like this?
I did! (Song)
Who can sell you condoms
And AriZona iced tea
A loose cigarette and plantain chips?
The bodega man can! Oh, the bodega man can!
The bodega man can
'cause he mixes lots of pills
And calls them Tiger Sex Pills
Who can make a rainbow
Out of cans of Goya beans?
The Oreos are Russian and the ATM's Chinese
The bodega man can! Oh, the bodega man can!
(Spoken)
Enough! The child is mine! He took the key
And now he must pay the ultimate price!
I'm sorry
My son i cannot protect you any longer
Aw, come on! Feed me, Seymour! Feed me!
Stop!
Bodega Virgin Mary candle?
That's right! If no one else
Will protect the boy, then I will and I hope
That someday we can erase
(Song) the memory
Oh, this horrible memory
When he needed a toilet in a moment of shame
If you touch me
You'll understand what unhappiness is
Your worst day has begun
(Spoken)
Well, that was both beautiful and disgusting
I think I learned my lesson
Not yet, you haven't
(Song)
Oompa loompa oompety do
We've got a troubling bathroom for you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
We got an "F" from the CDC
What do you get when you sit on that seat?
Swine HPV and a wave of heat
Where are you at
Getting desperate like that?
The sink is a swimming pool for rats
I don't like the looks of it
(Spoken)
Wait, wait
Wait you got Oompa-Loompas in your bodega?
Oh, no, those are just Sour Patch Kids that
Have been in the store so long
They came to life
Hey look, Mister
Here's your key back i decided
Not to use the bathroom
No, Charlie, don't you see? It's all
Yours now the bathroom, the bodega
I'm leaving all of it to
You you passed the test
But what will I do with it?
It's a bodega, Charlie the
Possibilities are endless, because there's
(Song) 525, 600 items
525 thousand unrelated things
525 thousand flavors of ramen
How can we sell you one loose beer?
And shampoo and hot dogs and
The worst-ever cup of coffee
And tampons on the top shelf
Why are they there?
There's a guy who doesn't work here
Just sitting and watching soccer
And chargers
But they're only for an iPhone 3
And what about flan?
The dessert called flan?
Just-unwrapped flan
Bodega of love love
The toilet don't flush
The toilet don't flush
(Spoken outro)
All right, i've decided to drop out of NYU
And run the bodega full-time!
(Sung outro)
Yeah, bodega of love! Love!
And do you have a bottle of water?
Uh, sure you want it super hot
Or solid block of ice?
Never mind
Hey, do you have a bathroom?
A what?
A bathroom you know, a bathroom I can use?
Dude, did you just ask to use
A bathroom in a bodega?
I mean, what? Who cares? It's an emergency
Would you like the key to the bathroom?
Yo, Charlie, if you do this, I don't
Think we can be friends anymore, man
Dude, relax! It's just a bathroom
I'm sure it's fine
And so it shall be oh, Bodega Cat
Show this man to the bathroom
Make a wish! Hold your breath!
(Song) come with me
And you'll be in a world of zero sanitation
Close your eyes and avoid inhalation
If you want a few parasites
Take a look around and view them
All the sticky stuff is fluid
Want to know for sure? Put a blacklight to it
(Spoken)
Oh my God!
That's right
You're the first person to use this bathroom
That's not a dog giving birth
What kind of creep would let
A bathroom get like this?
I did! (Song)
Who can sell you condoms
And AriZona iced tea
A loose cigarette and plantain chips?
The bodega man can! Oh, the bodega man can!
The bodega man can
'cause he mixes lots of pills
And calls them Tiger Sex Pills
Who can make a rainbow
Out of cans of Goya beans?
The Oreos are Russian and the ATM's Chinese
The bodega man can! Oh, the bodega man can!
(Spoken)
Enough! The child is mine! He took the key
And now he must pay the ultimate price!
I'm sorry
My son i cannot protect you any longer
Aw, come on! Feed me, Seymour! Feed me!
Stop!
Bodega Virgin Mary candle?
That's right! If no one else
Will protect the boy, then I will and I hope
That someday we can erase
(Song) the memory
Oh, this horrible memory
When he needed a toilet in a moment of shame
If you touch me
You'll understand what unhappiness is
Your worst day has begun
(Spoken)
Well, that was both beautiful and disgusting
I think I learned my lesson
Not yet, you haven't
(Song)
Oompa loompa oompety do
We've got a troubling bathroom for you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
We got an "F" from the CDC
What do you get when you sit on that seat?
Swine HPV and a wave of heat
Where are you at
Getting desperate like that?
The sink is a swimming pool for rats
I don't like the looks of it
(Spoken)
Wait, wait
Wait you got Oompa-Loompas in your bodega?
Oh, no, those are just Sour Patch Kids that
Have been in the store so long
They came to life
Hey look, Mister
Here's your key back i decided
Not to use the bathroom
No, Charlie, don't you see? It's all
Yours now the bathroom, the bodega
I'm leaving all of it to
You you passed the test
But what will I do with it?
It's a bodega, Charlie the
Possibilities are endless, because there's
(Song) 525, 600 items
525 thousand unrelated things
525 thousand flavors of ramen
How can we sell you one loose beer?
And shampoo and hot dogs and
The worst-ever cup of coffee
And tampons on the top shelf
Why are they there?
There's a guy who doesn't work here
Just sitting and watching soccer
And chargers
But they're only for an iPhone 3
And what about flan?
The dessert called flan?
Just-unwrapped flan
Bodega of love love
The toilet don't flush
The toilet don't flush
(Spoken outro)
All right, i've decided to drop out of NYU
And run the bodega full-time!
(Sung outro)
Yeah, bodega of love! Love!