Larry the Cable Guy - Easy-to-Assemble lyrics
[Larry the Cable Guy - Easy-to-Assemble lyrics]
Boy, I tell you what
I like shopping on Christmas for the
Kids i love the kids but
Let me tell you something
Avoid these words on Christmas: 'Easy
To-Assemble' 'Easy To-Assemble' you know
That's an old Indian phrase that
Stands for 'four hours
37 F-words and calling an
Electrician' good Lord!
Don't nothing come assembled no more?
Here I sit, one day after
Christmas with four bleeding cuts
A bent screwdriver and
Indentions on my hind end from sitting on
A package of Phillips head screws
And I'm closer to nailing Shania
Twain than I am
To putting together this damned
Two-wheel Christmas scooter
The feller at thе store says, 'Oh
It's easy ten minutеs
At the most, you gonna
Have it finished' Well
That's what I get for listening to
The retard they hired to
Help out down there at the
Toy store on Christmas Eve
You gotta have a dadgum degree from
The Ivy League to figure
This garbage out! What ever happened
To 'Insert screw A
Into hole B'? The way God intended it
Like it says
In the scriptures nowadays you gotta
Measure, drill, sand, glue, weed-whack
And who the hell knows what
Else with these kid's
Toys if I wasn't such a good Christian
I'd have took them
Scooter wheels and went back there
At the toy store and shoved 'em so far up
That salesman's hind end
He'd have skid marks on his liver
Try and do something nice for
The kids at Christmas, buy 'em a
Nice Jesus' birthday scooter, and now
The dadgum thing won't roll
'cause the sorry toy store
Retard thought I could
Assemble it myself! I was gonna buy
The floor model, but no
I gotta be Captain Moron
And be the guy on the TV show
This Old House and screw it up
Sending another Christmas straight
Into the crapper
'Easy To-Assemble' bah humbug!
Merry Christmas git-R-Done!
I like shopping on Christmas for the
Kids i love the kids but
Let me tell you something
Avoid these words on Christmas: 'Easy
To-Assemble' 'Easy To-Assemble' you know
That's an old Indian phrase that
Stands for 'four hours
37 F-words and calling an
Electrician' good Lord!
Don't nothing come assembled no more?
Here I sit, one day after
Christmas with four bleeding cuts
A bent screwdriver and
Indentions on my hind end from sitting on
A package of Phillips head screws
And I'm closer to nailing Shania
Twain than I am
To putting together this damned
Two-wheel Christmas scooter
The feller at thе store says, 'Oh
It's easy ten minutеs
At the most, you gonna
Have it finished' Well
That's what I get for listening to
The retard they hired to
Help out down there at the
Toy store on Christmas Eve
You gotta have a dadgum degree from
The Ivy League to figure
This garbage out! What ever happened
To 'Insert screw A
Into hole B'? The way God intended it
Like it says
In the scriptures nowadays you gotta
Measure, drill, sand, glue, weed-whack
And who the hell knows what
Else with these kid's
Toys if I wasn't such a good Christian
I'd have took them
Scooter wheels and went back there
At the toy store and shoved 'em so far up
That salesman's hind end
He'd have skid marks on his liver
Try and do something nice for
The kids at Christmas, buy 'em a
Nice Jesus' birthday scooter, and now
The dadgum thing won't roll
'cause the sorry toy store
Retard thought I could
Assemble it myself! I was gonna buy
The floor model, but no
I gotta be Captain Moron
And be the guy on the TV show
This Old House and screw it up
Sending another Christmas straight
Into the crapper
'Easy To-Assemble' bah humbug!
Merry Christmas git-R-Done!