Larry the Cable Guy - The Christmas Story lyrics
[Larry the Cable Guy - The Christmas Story lyrics]
This is the Christmas story as
Told by my drunk grandpa
"Many years ago in Hephzibah
A child was born to Fred and Doris Ombree
He was a very special child
For he was conceived at a Foghat concert in
The third row during the song 'Slow Ride'
Knowing that she was pregnant scared
The bejesus out of Fred
'cause he worked only as a hushpuppy cook
Down there at the Long John Silver's
They decided to name the child Bejesus
Fred and Doris, who was
Pregnant with Bejesus
Stopped at a Best Western for the night
'cause her water broke and he
Wanted go to Sambo's for a short
Stack and some cheese grit's
However, the Best Western had a convention
Of Shriners so they had to
Sleep in their van in the
Parking lot for the night
That night
Bejesus was born and they wrapped
Him in swaddling Richard
Petty bedsheets and laid him in a milk crate
Just then
Three wise men with two-year-degrees
From DeVry Institute of
Technology showed up with gifts of
Cola, frankenfurters and buns
And they grilled out and spake
Of hope and love
And if restrictor plates should
Be used at Talladega
Little Bejesus grew and studied and spake
Philosophical phrases like: 'Whoever
Smelt it, dealt it' and 'It's better
To burp and taste
It than to fart and waste it'
He once healed a 1979 Camaro
By rebuilding the carburetor
And he brought back to life a Delta 88
By putting in it the engine of a 1969 Formula
Firebird with a shift kit
Glasspack mufflers oh
That's good get me horny
Everybody loved Bejesus of Hephzibah
He graduated from DeVry with
A degree in drywall-ogy
He was the greatest of all drywallers
Then one night, tragedy
A Haitian immigrant killed Bejesus for
Two dollars and twenty
Cents and a coupon to the barbecue joint
But he still lives on in the hearts of
Roofers and drywallers and
Construction workers everywhere
God bless Bejesus of Hephzibah"
Told by my drunk grandpa
"Many years ago in Hephzibah
A child was born to Fred and Doris Ombree
He was a very special child
For he was conceived at a Foghat concert in
The third row during the song 'Slow Ride'
Knowing that she was pregnant scared
The bejesus out of Fred
'cause he worked only as a hushpuppy cook
Down there at the Long John Silver's
They decided to name the child Bejesus
Fred and Doris, who was
Pregnant with Bejesus
Stopped at a Best Western for the night
'cause her water broke and he
Wanted go to Sambo's for a short
Stack and some cheese grit's
However, the Best Western had a convention
Of Shriners so they had to
Sleep in their van in the
Parking lot for the night
That night
Bejesus was born and they wrapped
Him in swaddling Richard
Petty bedsheets and laid him in a milk crate
Just then
Three wise men with two-year-degrees
From DeVry Institute of
Technology showed up with gifts of
Cola, frankenfurters and buns
And they grilled out and spake
Of hope and love
And if restrictor plates should
Be used at Talladega
Little Bejesus grew and studied and spake
Philosophical phrases like: 'Whoever
Smelt it, dealt it' and 'It's better
To burp and taste
It than to fart and waste it'
He once healed a 1979 Camaro
By rebuilding the carburetor
And he brought back to life a Delta 88
By putting in it the engine of a 1969 Formula
Firebird with a shift kit
Glasspack mufflers oh
That's good get me horny
Everybody loved Bejesus of Hephzibah
He graduated from DeVry with
A degree in drywall-ogy
He was the greatest of all drywallers
Then one night, tragedy
A Haitian immigrant killed Bejesus for
Two dollars and twenty
Cents and a coupon to the barbecue joint
But he still lives on in the hearts of
Roofers and drywallers and
Construction workers everywhere
God bless Bejesus of Hephzibah"