Larry the Cable Guy - Hooters and Hooters Airlines lyrics

Went to Hooters when I was down there i like
Hooters y'all like the Hooters?
I tell you what, i don't know
If I'm gonna eat there no
More i'm gonna tell you
If them shorts get any shorter on them girls
The FDA's gonna start making
'em wear hairnets (laughs) Good Lord
That's unsanitary right there! My
Chicken wings needed a
Combover! I know, it's ridiculous! I'm
Walking out, she's like
'How was everything?'
'Everything's pretty
(coughing up a hairball sound)
' Git-R-Done! (laughs)

You know what I did find out
Though? This made me happier
Than the Pillsbury Queer Boy frosting
Up some hot butt-cakes, i


Tell you hooters got an airline
Now they fly into Atlanta
Georgia good Lord, that's a good
Airline! I got 8
000 frequent boner miles on
There already there
That's a good airline! First time I
Ever asked for an aisle seat and
Prayed for turbulence on an airplane

But them flight waitresses, they
Ain't very smart
Though they had the Hooters flight attendant
In there and I asked her if I could see the
Cockpit and she pulled her
Shorts down! You believe that? I'm with you
It was ridiculous! And the idiot next to
Me goes, 'Is that the black box they
Always talking about right there?' Reverend
Do you wanna knock it off? Don't give
The preacher nothing to drink no more

But they was pretty girls down there
And some airlines ain't got pretty
Girls i was on
This airline the other day i ain't mention
The name of 'em- Continental alright? But
Uh them was the ugliest
Flight attendants I'd ever
Seen and I shouldn't have made
Eye contact and I
Did, and I looked right at that one girl
And my weiner went in and out
My buttcrack alright? I
Swear! My eyeballs seen her
My weiner come out, spun around
(zip) Shot right out of my damn
Asscrack and that's documented! That's
A true story right there! You
Know you're ugly when you're
Making fellers poop their own weiner you
Know what I mean? That's
That's 'Glamor Shots ugly' right there
That's 'Glamor Shots ugly'

I don't like going to the airport
Nohow 'cause of the dadgum
Security don't profile nobody which pisses
Me off i mean
It's irritating you gotta take
Everything off 'Take your
Jacket off take your shoes off' I
Went through the other day to save time
In nothing but a pair of Speedos
(laughs) And they still pulled me out and
Accused me of smuggling in a pocketknife

Make you take your shoes off
Now 'cause of the
Shoe Bomber 'Take your shoes off' They need
To start making women take their panties off
Then i'll go back to the airport shoot
I'd get there early
For that flight! 'Sorry, Ma'am
You're gonna have to take your panties off
It's a law take 'em off
What the hell? Is that a fuse? Hey, security
We got a panty bomber over here! Security
We got a panty bomber!' That ain't right
Lord, I apologize for that and
Even though it was funny
And be with the starving pygmies
In New Guinea amen

My grandma almost got in trouble at
The airport she had some marijuana
In her purse 'cause she's on
The medical marijuana for her
Eyes i don't think it's making her
See any better but she
Is making some really good brownies
I'll tell you that
But good Lord i bet they getting $200 dollars
A plate for them up at the church

They always say
'You take marijuana to make you
See better' Let me
Tell you something you wanna
See better? Drink tequila
(laughs) You drink that
You gonna see stuff you
Ain't never seen in your whole life
On tequila but that's a
Bad deal i don't drink no
More tequila i used to
Drink tequila but my neighbor's
Got up a petition
So I can't do it no more and
I don't care what they say
I still say that none of them
Puppies look nothing like me
Alright? I don't wanna talk
About that, alright? But it was a long night
That's all I know