Larry the Cable Guy - Romance and Imported Rubbers (I Seen This on TV... No Lie) lyrics
[Larry the Cable Guy - Romance and Imported Rubbers I Seen This on TV... No Lie lyrics]
I always hated how women always stuffed
Everything in the medicine cabinet
And then when we fellers open
Up the medicine cabinet
Razorblades and toothpaste and all
Kinds of stuff hit
Us in the head i was with this one
Girl and she was cramping up or
Something and and that's a horrible thing i
Don't know how y'all do that
But you should use it to
Your offense though you
Know what I mean? You get pulled over
'Can I see your license?'
'I'm cramping'
'Oh get the hell out of
Here get out of here
Go on i only got one bullet'
Broke up with a girl not long
Ago over religious reasons i'm
Baptist, she was a bitch, you
Know? So we had
Uh it just didn't work out and I loved
Her too this is the only girl I
Ever made love to with my pants
Completely down, alright? I mean, we had we
Had a special bond right there
But it didn't work out (laughs)
I always hate it when a
Girl always said to you
'Let's just be friends'
And God bless you, you don't want to
Hurt their feelings, but don't say
'Let's just be friends'! That's like your
Mom telling you the dog
Died but you can still keep it if you want to
I tell you what you need to do
Though you need to be, nowadays
You need to be protected and that's
Why I'm here tonight to
Share the news of wearing rubbers and
Uh i always try to do
A good deed everywhere I can
But I tell you what, i'm sick of tired
Of buying 'em 'cause it's embarrassing i
Mean, they come in three- small, medium
And large there ain't no feller in
Here buying a damn medium rubber
I tell you that right now! It's
Embarrassing i know I ain't
It's embarrassing
I'm always at the 7-11 buying rubbers
People walk in, I'm like
'Whoa forget what you got up there uh got a
Couple of trash can liners in the back back
There somewhere? Put a couple
Of twisty-ties in there
While you're at it there
Or something there'
But they got these rubbers
That's imported from Australia
I don't know if you've seen these or
Not this was on the 60 Minutes they're
Made out of lambskin have you heard
About these? This is a true story!
16 different sizes i mean
You can get fitted
For 'em! And, uh, so I went down
To get fitted for these and, uh
They give you a piece of plywood
With 16 holes drilled in there
To see what size you are
This is a true story
I seen it on TV! They thought of
Everything it's well-sanded and
Everything! I mean
They got it all worked out! So I go
In there for a couple hours and, uh
I come out i was like
'Forget the rubbers what do y'all want for
The board you got in there?'
(laughs) Git-R-Done! (laughs)
You need to be safe though
'cause they's a lot
Of girls you meet that are kind of
Kinky and that's irritating 'cause
I ain't into all
Of that so I tell you this
Here's about as bad as I get:
I like two girls at the
Same time, and that's only 'cause
I need a spotter, alright?
I do! I got one heck of a dismount
I'll tell you right
Now it's pretty good kind
Of a backflip half-twist, it's really nice
All's I care about is if they move or not
That's what I care about! I
Used to date- this
One girl I was with never even moved i
Had to make love to her on an
Air hockey table all the time and it stunk
Every time I'd get into the rhythm
I'd have to stop and put quarters in it it
Sucked! They finally throwed us out of Chuck
E cheese after a couple of weeks in there
But they were pissed too they were like
'You get your girlfriend and get her in a
Wheelchair and get the hell out of
Here! We've had it with you
Two people in here!' 'Well, you've
Got an air hockey table
What do you want me to do?'
But they got a lot of all that kinky
Stuff out there which I ain't much into
And I tell you what irritates me i
Was at the mall, at the bookstore
And they had some sort of a
Medical book or something at
The book- and it showed different sexual
Positions and it kind of
Irritated me 'cause kids go in
The mall they can pick up any book they want
And you shouldn't have that
In there for kids and it irritated me i mean
I bought 'em and got 'em
The hell out of there
You know? 'cause i'm all about
The kids up here
Everything in the medicine cabinet
And then when we fellers open
Up the medicine cabinet
Razorblades and toothpaste and all
Kinds of stuff hit
Us in the head i was with this one
Girl and she was cramping up or
Something and and that's a horrible thing i
Don't know how y'all do that
But you should use it to
Your offense though you
Know what I mean? You get pulled over
'Can I see your license?'
'I'm cramping'
'Oh get the hell out of
Here get out of here
Go on i only got one bullet'
Broke up with a girl not long
Ago over religious reasons i'm
Baptist, she was a bitch, you
Know? So we had
Uh it just didn't work out and I loved
Her too this is the only girl I
Ever made love to with my pants
Completely down, alright? I mean, we had we
Had a special bond right there
But it didn't work out (laughs)
I always hate it when a
Girl always said to you
'Let's just be friends'
And God bless you, you don't want to
Hurt their feelings, but don't say
'Let's just be friends'! That's like your
Mom telling you the dog
Died but you can still keep it if you want to
I tell you what you need to do
Though you need to be, nowadays
You need to be protected and that's
Why I'm here tonight to
Share the news of wearing rubbers and
Uh i always try to do
A good deed everywhere I can
But I tell you what, i'm sick of tired
Of buying 'em 'cause it's embarrassing i
Mean, they come in three- small, medium
And large there ain't no feller in
Here buying a damn medium rubber
I tell you that right now! It's
Embarrassing i know I ain't
It's embarrassing
I'm always at the 7-11 buying rubbers
People walk in, I'm like
'Whoa forget what you got up there uh got a
Couple of trash can liners in the back back
There somewhere? Put a couple
Of twisty-ties in there
While you're at it there
Or something there'
But they got these rubbers
That's imported from Australia
I don't know if you've seen these or
Not this was on the 60 Minutes they're
Made out of lambskin have you heard
About these? This is a true story!
16 different sizes i mean
You can get fitted
For 'em! And, uh, so I went down
To get fitted for these and, uh
They give you a piece of plywood
With 16 holes drilled in there
To see what size you are
This is a true story
I seen it on TV! They thought of
Everything it's well-sanded and
Everything! I mean
They got it all worked out! So I go
In there for a couple hours and, uh
I come out i was like
'Forget the rubbers what do y'all want for
The board you got in there?'
(laughs) Git-R-Done! (laughs)
You need to be safe though
'cause they's a lot
Of girls you meet that are kind of
Kinky and that's irritating 'cause
I ain't into all
Of that so I tell you this
Here's about as bad as I get:
I like two girls at the
Same time, and that's only 'cause
I need a spotter, alright?
I do! I got one heck of a dismount
I'll tell you right
Now it's pretty good kind
Of a backflip half-twist, it's really nice
All's I care about is if they move or not
That's what I care about! I
Used to date- this
One girl I was with never even moved i
Had to make love to her on an
Air hockey table all the time and it stunk
Every time I'd get into the rhythm
I'd have to stop and put quarters in it it
Sucked! They finally throwed us out of Chuck
E cheese after a couple of weeks in there
But they were pissed too they were like
'You get your girlfriend and get her in a
Wheelchair and get the hell out of
Here! We've had it with you
Two people in here!' 'Well, you've
Got an air hockey table
What do you want me to do?'
But they got a lot of all that kinky
Stuff out there which I ain't much into
And I tell you what irritates me i
Was at the mall, at the bookstore
And they had some sort of a
Medical book or something at
The book- and it showed different sexual
Positions and it kind of
Irritated me 'cause kids go in
The mall they can pick up any book they want
And you shouldn't have that
In there for kids and it irritated me i mean
I bought 'em and got 'em
The hell out of there
You know? 'cause i'm all about
The kids up here